Uh-Mazing Grace

Sometimes you stumble upon something so amazing, creative, whimsical, beautiful, just sigh, that you want to scream it out in your own little corner of the blogosphere. These cinemagraphs by Jamie Beck (by way of Oh Joy, another beautiful blog) are just awe-inducing. One of my favorite aspects of the blogopshere is getting exposed to the amazingly talented and crafty people all over.

"I thought Hasbeens were people who are no longer around"

So maybe Swedish clogs aren't everyone's cup of tea, but I am super psyched to own my very own pair of the cherry red mary janes. The last time I wore clogs was in high school - they were fake black suede mules with studs. Super hawt. I also wore them with culottes. Smokin'.

I've been obsessed with Hasbeens for a while, but don't have the $$$ to shell over $200 plus for a pair of sandals, let alone ones I can only wear 3 months out of the year (I have yet to hop onto the sandals with tights/socks bandwagon). So I am smitten with these babies. They seem about as sturdy as the "real" version, but I don't own Hasbeens so it's hard to say. I am dreaming up all kinds of outfits to wear, built around these - including some stripey shirts and wide leg jeans.

Sandals came with a cute little organic cotton tote

I was one of 5 women waiting outside the Newbury store this morning - I honestly can't remember the last time I did something like this. Oh wait, it was for the Stella McCartney collab. with H&M. It was a little embarrassing, but I'm ok with it. I worked late today so went in later :-) Now if only the weather would cooperate!

Happy, pale feet

Two Left Feet

One of my really good girlfriends, N, had a huge 30th birthday party this weekend. It was an awesome 80s themed party, but I could not get myself to dress up. The 80s were such an awkward and self-conscious time for me, I have a hard time finding humor in the "costumes" of that era. But that didn't stop my girlfriend and her entire extended family from going all out.

(Wearing my version of party attire: Anthropologie Sprinked Chiffon)

I always feel bad for my husband when we go to dance parties - he has some serious moves, and, well, like many (not all) Asian people, I cannot dance for the life of me. Seriously - I dance to my own beat. On top of that, I was wearing heels I could barely walk in (I brought flats with me). It is embarrassing and funny at the same time. I'm laughing out loud right now. I'm sure people were pointing at me and laughing, but I'm too defeated to care. That much.

All in all a good weekend - I have an extra day to spend with the fam (Happy Patriots Day!) and will try my best to take advantage of the 60 degree weather and take my son to the park, have some yummy frozen yogurt at Berry Line (a local version of Pinkberry, etc.) and spend as much time outdoors as I can. Hope everyone had a good weekend.

Time

I started the blog back up as a way to have carve out some "me" time. Evidently, I still struggle with the balancing act. Some blogs seem to be purely about the pretty, others are all woe is me. I think I'm somewhere in between. I have to remember that blogs generally represent merely a snippet of a whole, living, breathing human being. I do want my blog to be a place where I can express all of who I am. After all, I like to think I'm a multi-faceted person with complex identities. Even as a 35 year old woman, I am still "figuring out who I am". But the way I (and others who understand identity as situated, fluid and not fixed/static) think about identity takes into account not just how I position myself in the world, but how others position me, and I how perceive I am positioned by others. That's a very long winded way of saying, some days I want to just schlep around and show up to work looking a hot mess, but I can't, because, dammit, I care too much about appearances.

Turning 35 last month was painful. It still is.  Literally. I've been very public about the anxiety that has come with getting older. Although many people tell me I look younger, mainly because (I think) of my petite stature, my body is feeling it. Climbing up my the stairs holding my almost 3 year old, my knees feel it. I see it in my skin - the pores are larger than ever, the under eye concealer settles in the fine lines.

Professionally I am not in a place where I want to be. Although I mostly love the work I do in an after school setting, each day I feel that given my background (# of years spent in school, amount of $ spent in school, amount $ owed for school, etc.), every day I spend in this job is starting to feel a little too luxurious. That is to say, while I feel no guilt whatsoever at the end of the day in terms of the impact of my work on a small yet important group of young people, I feel a considerable amount of guilt for the small impact I am making monetarily in terms of the income I bring home at the end of the month. Things will have to change.

For one, I am picking up the dreaded D again. I am in the process of writing a rationale to my boss for why I should get paid to write my dissertation. I want to take one day each week away from my job to just write the damn thing. No small task. But I've decided my third job, (after taking care of family and my 9-5 job) is to finish the damn thing. I think it can be done. I think the more I see it in writing, and hear myself talk about it with people, the more I will hold myself accountable. To have limitless time.