Uh-Mazing Grace

Sometimes you stumble upon something so amazing, creative, whimsical, beautiful, just sigh, that you want to scream it out in your own little corner of the blogosphere. These cinemagraphs by Jamie Beck (by way of Oh Joy, another beautiful blog) are just awe-inducing. One of my favorite aspects of the blogopshere is getting exposed to the amazingly talented and crafty people all over.

"I thought Hasbeens were people who are no longer around"

So maybe Swedish clogs aren't everyone's cup of tea, but I am super psyched to own my very own pair of the cherry red mary janes. The last time I wore clogs was in high school - they were fake black suede mules with studs. Super hawt. I also wore them with culottes. Smokin'.

I've been obsessed with Hasbeens for a while, but don't have the $$$ to shell over $200 plus for a pair of sandals, let alone ones I can only wear 3 months out of the year (I have yet to hop onto the sandals with tights/socks bandwagon). So I am smitten with these babies. They seem about as sturdy as the "real" version, but I don't own Hasbeens so it's hard to say. I am dreaming up all kinds of outfits to wear, built around these - including some stripey shirts and wide leg jeans.

Sandals came with a cute little organic cotton tote

I was one of 5 women waiting outside the Newbury store this morning - I honestly can't remember the last time I did something like this. Oh wait, it was for the Stella McCartney collab. with H&M. It was a little embarrassing, but I'm ok with it. I worked late today so went in later :-) Now if only the weather would cooperate!

Happy, pale feet

Two Left Feet

One of my really good girlfriends, N, had a huge 30th birthday party this weekend. It was an awesome 80s themed party, but I could not get myself to dress up. The 80s were such an awkward and self-conscious time for me, I have a hard time finding humor in the "costumes" of that era. But that didn't stop my girlfriend and her entire extended family from going all out.

(Wearing my version of party attire: Anthropologie Sprinked Chiffon)

I always feel bad for my husband when we go to dance parties - he has some serious moves, and, well, like many (not all) Asian people, I cannot dance for the life of me. Seriously - I dance to my own beat. On top of that, I was wearing heels I could barely walk in (I brought flats with me). It is embarrassing and funny at the same time. I'm laughing out loud right now. I'm sure people were pointing at me and laughing, but I'm too defeated to care. That much.

All in all a good weekend - I have an extra day to spend with the fam (Happy Patriots Day!) and will try my best to take advantage of the 60 degree weather and take my son to the park, have some yummy frozen yogurt at Berry Line (a local version of Pinkberry, etc.) and spend as much time outdoors as I can. Hope everyone had a good weekend.

Time

I started the blog back up as a way to have carve out some "me" time. Evidently, I still struggle with the balancing act. Some blogs seem to be purely about the pretty, others are all woe is me. I think I'm somewhere in between. I have to remember that blogs generally represent merely a snippet of a whole, living, breathing human being. I do want my blog to be a place where I can express all of who I am. After all, I like to think I'm a multi-faceted person with complex identities. Even as a 35 year old woman, I am still "figuring out who I am". But the way I (and others who understand identity as situated, fluid and not fixed/static) think about identity takes into account not just how I position myself in the world, but how others position me, and I how perceive I am positioned by others. That's a very long winded way of saying, some days I want to just schlep around and show up to work looking a hot mess, but I can't, because, dammit, I care too much about appearances.

Turning 35 last month was painful. It still is.  Literally. I've been very public about the anxiety that has come with getting older. Although many people tell me I look younger, mainly because (I think) of my petite stature, my body is feeling it. Climbing up my the stairs holding my almost 3 year old, my knees feel it. I see it in my skin - the pores are larger than ever, the under eye concealer settles in the fine lines.

Professionally I am not in a place where I want to be. Although I mostly love the work I do in an after school setting, each day I feel that given my background (# of years spent in school, amount of $ spent in school, amount $ owed for school, etc.), every day I spend in this job is starting to feel a little too luxurious. That is to say, while I feel no guilt whatsoever at the end of the day in terms of the impact of my work on a small yet important group of young people, I feel a considerable amount of guilt for the small impact I am making monetarily in terms of the income I bring home at the end of the month. Things will have to change.

For one, I am picking up the dreaded D again. I am in the process of writing a rationale to my boss for why I should get paid to write my dissertation. I want to take one day each week away from my job to just write the damn thing. No small task. But I've decided my third job, (after taking care of family and my 9-5 job) is to finish the damn thing. I think it can be done. I think the more I see it in writing, and hear myself talk about it with people, the more I will hold myself accountable. To have limitless time.

OOTN Girls' Night In

Went over to a girl friend's house Saturday night for a wonderful night of great food, wine and company. It's a good thing I wore a nice roomy blouse - there was yummy cannelloni and chocolate fondue! Woohee.

Good hair night!

Anthro Bianka Blouse, F21 Skinnies, Franco Sarto Boots

 It's nice to get a little dressed up but still be comfortable. Hot topic last night - Elizabeth Gilbert's Committed. I didn't particularly enjoy reading Eat, Pray, Love (although I enjoy the movie).  Committed is a compelling read for anyone considering marriage, engaged, married, divorced, what have you.

I am really enjoying Anne Hathaway and James Franco hosting the Oscars. They have great chemistry.
Not really digging Anne's big hair extension thingies, though. I had mixed feelings about True Grit, but Hailee Steinfeld - how fresh and pretty is she?! How age appropriate, gasp!

Seasons: A children's book for adults

In college, I started to collect children's books, mostly for the beautiful images and the simple words that accompanied them.  It's been really wonderful to share some of these books with my son. Today I stayed home from work so that N could recover from his fever. Poor little guy, he's been so sick since he started daycare almost a year ago, but they say this helps to build immunity. It's hard to find things to do with my little ball of energy when it's freezing cold outside. Fortunately, there are countless stores we can visit, including an independent bookstore and two local toy stores, all within walking distance.

Whenever we visit the toy store, we always stop outside and have our little talk: "We can play and look with the toys, but we are not buying anything". N is an only child and probably will remain an only child, so it's a constant struggle for us (especially me) to not overindulge him. He did a great job and left without anything and didn't throw a fit when we left the store. But Mama managed to pick up something at the toy store. Seasons (Enchanted Lion Books) is a collection of amazing prints. Truly inspiring. Reminds me that I should make time to dust off the old Gocco press.

 

Thankful for . . .

This was a challenging week professionally. There were a couple  of weepy days and taking off early from work. I work with youth ages to 11-20 in an after school program. Many of the youth call me "Ma". I'm the only parent on staff, although I suppose my colleagues and I consider all the youth we serve, our children. I have always been bossy/maternal by nature- to my friends, students, everyone I know. Some like it and some don't. I think this tendency to mother hen other people has increased now that I'm actually a mother. 

Youth don't always know to make the best choices. In my line of work, we don't tell young people what to do - they have plenty of adults who do that, for better or for worse. As adults in their lives, we try to help youth make informed decisions. That is why when adult volunteers who clearly know about boundaries, decide that it is a good idea to go over to a teen's (minor) house on Valentine's Day while the teen's parents are out of town . . . . I cry. I do that when I am sad and angry. Sometimes I wish I could leave my work at work. But can anyone really do that?

So it's been a tough week, but I'm thankful for so much. The young woman is mad at us for making a big deal out of her hanging out with a "cool guy," but she knows we love and care about her.  My son knows that he is loved and cared for. That is why today he was able to have his first full day of preschool and not react like the world caved in around him. What a sweet, brave and alive, young heart he is.

I am thankful for an awesome husband who is even more awesome on commercial holidays.

I have never gotten flowers delivered at work before. Nice and also embarassing.

I am thankful for a closet full of pretty clothes (bad pic, but cute dress).

Anthro First Whisperings Dress, EmersonMade Belt

Being able to visit an outdoor bookstore on a spring-like day during my lunch break.

A Friday night in a quiet house - with my guilty pleasures - fashion mags (what the hell is Miley Cyrus doing on the cover of Marie Claire?!), a glass of cava, and a few squares of Vosges chocolate (with ancho chiles for a kick).

On Sunday, I am going out for brunch with a new friend I met taking the T. Who knew, that on my rushed morning commutes with a cranky toddler, sweating buckets and cursing the decrepit MBTA, that I would make a new friend (one with FOUR girls, under the age of 7)? Very excited.

Cheers.

 

The clutter in the background always looks less bad after a glass of sparkly.

In a matter of months

1. I'll be able to wear a summer tea party dress with bare arms.

Anthropologie dress

2. Walk into my backyard and see and smell these.

3. And eat these, sun-ripened, straight from the backyard.

4. Drive up to New Hampshire and dip in this.

 More snow is coming. Le sigh.

You and I were meant to be

In my power visit (driven, brief and focused) visit to Anthro after work tonight, I found these lovelies, all by their lonesome.

Raines Heels

I paid $128. 89.95. I was re-united with these lovelies for 39.95! The funny thing is they were the very same pair I returned, because at 89.95, it was still too rich for my blood. Mmhhmm. Reunited and it feels so good. Now why I think I can walk in 4 inch heels is beyond me. But as my good friend E said, I have "plenty of house" to practice walking in them. When I fall flat on my face, I'll look silly as hell, but at least kinda cute doing it. They'll be hiding for a while unfortunately as we continue to get hit with shit weather.

In more meaningful news, N is learning to dress himself. He did not succeed in getting the button through the button hole, but he wanted to "do dit". 

Now he and I, we were meant to be.

Chinese New Year Dinner Party

This has been such a crap week with all the snow. Snow makes me a very angry person. I'm think it might be nice to decompress and have friends over to celebrate the new year next week . . . .
This looks like an easy, interesting and delicious menu. Plus, I just love the flowers in the tea tins.

From Apples & Onions Dinner Party Blueprints

Chinese New Year Dinner Party

 

Is it too early in our marriage to renew our vows?

Anthropologie introduces it's BRIDAL line. I die. Let's do like the celebrities do and renew our vows every year!

I loved my dress. I never thought of myself as a lace girl, but then I saw it, tried it on and I was a goner.  Why can't I wear it again? I loved my wedding. I love my husband :-)

 

How does she do it?

It is 9:39 on Tuesday night. I just made dinner. For tomorrow night. After I did two loads of laundry (with two more to follow). I have been up and about since 7 this morning. I work from 9:15-5:45 and then pick the boy up from daycare down the street. By the time we get home on the T, it is usually 6:40 or so in the evening. Then we have dinner, a little we love N time, bath, story, bed. I am so tired. Bone tired. I am not complaining. I have a very supportive partner, extended family to help with childcare and give us some adult downtime, time with my girls, but to all the working mothers out there, or even just mothers, how do you do it?! How do single mothers do it?!

I'm sure things would be a tad easier if we could afford a housekeeper or if I cared less about what food was put out on the table. But I want N to grow up in a house where eating dinner as a family is sacred. That's how I was raised, even though in my Chinese family, we didn't really make any small talk :) I want to be counter everything on the go. I want to be part of the slow movement, even though my mind is racing from thinking about all that I have to do tomorrow. Here's what I cooked after my two loads of laundry tonight.

Chicken with White Beans and Tomatoes

(From Real Simple Magazine's Weeknight Meals)

Yum!

There is nothing better than a wholesome one pot meal that looks and tastes like it took forever when it took less than an hour for with prep and cook time. Unfortunately I don't think it will taste as good when it is reheated tomorrow night.

As I blog I am also Google chatting and half watching the State of the Union Address. I don't even know how to concentrate on one thing anymore! So much for trying to take it slow.  Ah, the dryer just called out to me. Time for another load. 

But I am making time for my blog, because it is one of the few times I get to breathe.

I had every intent to practice fiscal restraint . . .

but the crazy good deals floating around have weakened my resolve. That and being cooped up in the snow day on and then just being numbed by the cold. I have been wearing my old H&M puffy coat for years now. It's fine, but I get bored. I always admire women who wear stylish wool coats in the dead of winter. Maybe they're cold, but they sure look cute! So when I saw this Dear Creatures coat on super sale on Swirl, I caved.

 

(www.dearcreatures.com, but I saved well over $100 off the retail price!)

I was toying with the idea of ordering from Loft (they are having a pretty fab 50% off sale) for some basic cardis (I am sorely lacking in this department). I ended up getting three for $60!

weekend haul by ellencw featuring a white long sleeve cardigan

I threw in the F21 clutch because I had been lusting after it forever since seeing Rosa rock it on her fab blog, Love at First Shop, then Kim at Anthroholic shared that it was online again this weekend, so I didn't want to pine after it . . . .

Did I need these things? No, but with the exception of the clutch, the other items will be in heavy rotation as I work in a casual environment and wear a winter uniform of cardigans, jeans and boots. Ah, the way I rationalize my consumer tendencies :-) She works hard for her money!

OOTN Date Night

Anthro Thrush Song blouse, F21 Skinnies, Rebecca Minkoff Mini Mini in Moss, Franco Sarto Pacaya boots

Here's what I wore for date night, Saturday night with the husband. I've had my eye on this Anthro blouse but was not going to pay full price. I pounced when it went on sale. Dinner at Sel de la Terre, followed by True Grit at the movies. It's nice to be able to enjoy your dinner without shoveling your food down, which is what we usually do. It isn't that we need time away from our child, it's that we need to enjoy one another not just as parents, but as husband and wife. Breathe, pause, reconnect.

 Goal for the week:
Make a meal plan for the week and have dinner cooked or ready to be heated up every night of the week. No buying lunch at work either!

A year and some change later (okay, almost 2)

(picture by me)

I am giving this old bloggeroo business another go. In May 2010, about a year after my last post, a lovely person by the name of Anna commented on one of my posts. I don't know Anna except for her wonderful blogs, including the awesome one she does with her sisters, Have a Cute Day. I started this blog as a way for me to connect with the friends I had who disbanded after Chicago, so it was quite startling (and admittedly flattering) that a complete stranger had read my blog and told me she thought I had "a very nice way of enjoying life." Anna is absolutely right, I enjoy my life and try to savor the good and beautiful in life. The sad, the hurt, the ugly - always reminds me of how fortunate I am.

In the past year, I've really gained a new appreciation (addiction) for blogs. I have seen how people have opened up their lives to virtual strangers - making themselves vulnerable to their readers. I am shocked/saddened by the ignorance and hatred that comes with the territory - anonymous posters who make snarky comments. I don't get it. The world is too bad of a place for people to be ragging on those who'd like to share their vision of beauty.

Admittedly, since I've started reading (no, devouring) blogs, along with re-joining the workforce, my spending has risen sharply (I'm looking at you Anthro!) But I don't blame the style blogs for my vices - I assume complete responsibility. If anything, these blogs inspire me to take pride in my appearance. I always feels much better, which makes me treat others better, when I know I've taken the time to breathe and attend to how I present myself to the world. Mostly it is a harried working mom, trying to do it all, and succeeding in some areas more than others.

There is so much to love these days - a healthy, hilarious and wonderfully energetic 2 years and 8 months old little boy who is picking up Mandarin, a mostly healthy, hilarious, and very supportive husband, a job I enjoy (but am really underpaid, but I have a job, and one that I feel good doing), the health and love of my parents, my brother, my amazing girl friends, close and far, a big house with a big weeded over garden (must do something about it this summer) in the city, and last but not least a closet bursting with beautiful things.